This week i learned a lesson. A big one. And the lesson came flying through shaking me from the core and making me feel hurt, inadequate and lost. How is it possible that somebody aggressively refuses help when in my heart i can feel their suffering? How is it possible that if you are hungry and i have food, you will get upset if i offer you food before you ask for it? I simply do not understand!! And it took me two days and a few conversations with people that know me deeply to see what i was doing wrong.
You see, i have this ability to receive messages from source. I have always had it, since i was a very small child and in fact i believe every child has it because they are so so close to the pureness of our loving universe that they are naturally open to such communications. Growing with that wasn’t pleasant and i have fought with myself for many years, i didn’t want to be that different, i didn’t know what to do with the messages, visions and such, to the point of asking for it to stop. And it did. For a bit. Until not too long ago when it exploded back into my life without caring if i was ready for it or not. And i wasn’t. I am still not. At least i don’t feel like it. But the problem is that after all these years, i am summoned back to my path with urgency, regardless of my human will, so acceptance is the only choice i have.
Acceptance is also what brings me to this very very personal blog entry as i expose my most vulnerable side since the only way to become who i am supposed to be is by deconstructing the idea of what i thought i should be. To learn to accept oneself and flow like water is beyond uncomfortable at first and yet inevitable at this moment. Messages will come as they are needed and i have no say in that and my biggest lesson here is to learn to wait for the person to ask me for help and guidance. Yes, i need to learn to sit still and watch the person follow their path on their own time and help only and if they ask for… That is not only frustrating for my heart but torturing for my impatient mind.
When these messages come through, i am vulnerable, open and connected through my heart and when i offer them at the wrong time and receive a negative response, it hurts me deeply because i am so vulnerable. Which is what happened lately that prompted me to have the courage of being here today. With a sore heart, i have learned to control my impulses. With an open heart, i show you who i am. Thank you for being here.
Life is all about being able to play with fire.