We can all talk and discuss and work on self love, but there is nothing better than to experience the powerful change that self love can bring to your life. It took me many years and many relationships – all great lessons, by the way – to understand what I deserve and how to open myself for it. All the heartaches, arguments and sleepless nights trying to figure out what was wrong with me, what was wrong with them, and why and so forth, they all prepared me, trained me, made me stronger and confident. But it wasn’t until I realized that the love I had for myself reflected on the way I was loved by others that I was able to create solid changes in my life. The work is hard and yet it can be super fun if you are grateful for the opportunity to grow, grateful for each person along the way and grateful for the path that brings you to calm and happy waters. Transformation is guaranteed as long as you are not afraid to look within, to undress, to find the reasons and to love yourself unconditionally.
Even though I am still growing, learning and working on myself, I have finally found a peaceful place, a place full of love that brought me an incredible partner. Someone who not only loves me for who I am, but celebrates me as I am. Someone who actively listens because he is interested in what I see, feel and experience. Someone who actively talks because he wants me to know of his feelings and experiences. A man who wants to be part of my life and grow with me without changing me in anyway. A beautiful soul who is never competing but instead working with me. A love that is not attached and yet incredibly intertwined. A love that is fun and light because life can have enough shit to be dealt with and your love should be your safe place, your home, your recharging place.
And for those who feel now like I felt not too long ago – as if it is impossible to find a great partner – all I have to say is: work on self love. You have to become that great partner first and only then you will attract your equal.
Here are some of the things I learned along the way:
Do not be afraid of being single – and having fun as such – until you find what you want.
Do not ever feel like you need to change yourself for others. Be you. Grow for yourself. Improve yourself constantly.
Do not allow yourself to be treated poorly. Not once. That will give the tone for your entire relationship.
Do treat everyone the way you want to be treated. With kindness and love.
Do know what you deserve. Not what society tells you, not what your mother tells you, not what is expected from you.
Do know your value is only yours and it should never come from what kind of partner/husband you have. Give yourself value. Your partner should add value not define it.
Stay away from all of the cultural norms of what you have to be and do, unless it really comes from your heart. All of our traditions come from old days where women were owned, paid by (diamond ring), virgins (white dress) and submissive. The obligation of such events comes from the insecurity of being you, they come from the pride that a man finally wants to marry you. Do what feels right for you when you celebrate your love.
Be present with no expectations. Always. That is the only way to love unconditionally. If your love is bound to an expectation of result – marriage – duration or any other condition, the light feeling of experiencing present and unconditional love will not be there. The feeling of freedom that comes from not expecting results and yet doing your best is absolutely incredible!
Keep growing, improving, working on yourself. Never fear break ups or heartaches as they come to have you change directions. Always, always be grateful for each person, each moment and each lesson.
Be open to love. Fearless and vulnerable. Truthful and kind. Always.
When you love yourself, someone else can love you too.